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Day 17 – Love Promotes Intimacy February 8, 2010

Posted by poetiscian in love.
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Love is or it ain’t.  Thin love ain’t love at all.

Toni Morrison

As she lay shattered in your pool of words, do you take pride in knowing that she is losing this verbal battle? Instead of helping her to her feet, you shove a few more hurtful words at her hemorrhaging body, only to further wound her fragile ego. Then you leave the room; leave her to content with the pain that you have just inflicted.  That is how you show love. Then you wonder days later why you can’t get her to fully take part in any type of intimate behavior.  She can barely stand the sight of you. You on the other hand don’t have a clue about what is wrong.  I mean, don’t you usually throw her past in her face to get her to see your point.

Private thoughts entrusted to you.  You were only trying to get her to see your point of view. Well, that is how you justified your rude and unwarranted behavior.  In actuality, you further severed if not destroyed the already weakened relationship. Barely standing, it is now damn near destroyed. What do you do know. It is time to turn towards to God. For surely you had stepped away because love does not destroy with words, it heals.

Your partner should always be able to feel safe when in your presence.  That is what a committed relationship is all about – able to lay your worries and concerns down and not feel threatened that they will be used against you.  Your partner should be able to trust you completely, and you in turn should be able to make them feel safe. A marriage should not be a day-to-day walk on eggshells, but a refuge when daily routines have gotten the best of us.

Be a safe-haven to all of your relationships. Take every opportunity to listen and be attentive when the people that you love need you the most. Use your words not as weapons, but as a source for healing. Once you do as God so wants, then you will be able to enjoy the full intimacy that comes from loving.

A few critical thoughts:
Don’t lecture or criticize, be gentle.  Determine to guard your mate’s secrets and to pray for them. Make your partner feel safe. There should be freedom within marriage. Mate should not be pressured to feel perfect.

Biblical Verse(s):
Proverbs 17:9 – He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
1st John 4:18 – There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
Revelations 3:20 – Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.

Resources: The Love Dare by Stephen Kendrick and Alex Kendrick
Featured Bloggist: A Safe Relationship by Harry L. “Justin” Kirk

Determine to guard your mate’s secretes (unless they are dangerous to them or you) and to pray for them.  Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues.  Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you.  Make them feel safe.

Q: Do you do more of the talking than listening in your relationships with those that you love?

Have a blessed day, I love you!