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Day Three – Love is not Selfish January 20, 2010

Posted by poetiscian in love, Selfishness.
Tags: , ,

Feeling very blah blah today, and thought about just hiding underneath the covers and having a big old pity party with myself as the guest of honor.  Then realized that if I did that, I would miss blogging today and therefore self-renig on my commitment to see this 40-Day challenge to the end.  Didn’t get any comments on day 2, so I was thinking no one really cares, but then discovered that I’ve received positive feedback via email and the blog counter is increasing, so folks out there are reading and responding in their own fashion, so here I sit blogging.

Not too long ago, I was the selfish, inconsiderate, all about me person in just about all of my relationships.  I’ve had husbands and partners who loved me unconditionally; however, I was too busy loving my own thinking that I could not, no — would not see their point of view.  As the book indicates, selfishness is the opposite of love, it is a trait that we all have and express in one way or the other.  Even if we do good acts just to manipulate our spouses or mates, it is still an act of selfishness.  It is not done out of love, but out of the desire to get what we want!

A few critical thoughts:
Selfishness is a trait. True love looks for ways to say “yes.”  Self-less-ness means sacrificing our own rights in order to please others. Whatever you put your time, money and energy into will become more important to you.

Biblical Verse(s):
Philippians 2:3 – Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
James 3:16 – For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing.

Buy something that says “I was thinking of you” today.

Q: Are you self-centered or are you the first one to demonstrate selfless acts of love?

Have a blessed day, I love you!



1. Shawn - January 20, 2010

Okay Blondie, I think Iam, no I know I am self centered. I think about myself alot and how I feel, but never think about the other person.

Example: Yesterday, I received flowers at work from this guy I have only been talking to for about a week. I was so upset…you might ask why? Cause I felt like he was moving to fast and I wasn’t ready for the whole relationship thing, not even caring about how he felt or anything. I didn’t even take the time to say thank you. Now how selfish is that??? Someone else had to break it down to me and said this to me today “Whenever someone appreciates you , pls say thank you because they are not only admiring you but also admiring your creator”.

Needless to say I did call the guy and say thank you!

Love you Cuz!

poetiscian - January 20, 2010

But your heart is good Shawn and those of us who know you, know that too! I am glad you called him, it shows your growth. We are all flawed humans who deserve a second chance. The call to him feels like a second chance ;). Thank you and keep blogging with me – it inspires me to keep myself in check mode. Love you too Cuzin’

2. Stephanie - January 20, 2010

I’m a person who thinks about every one else’s happiness and needs first then me second. I wonder does that come from raising kids and putting thier needs above your own ???

3. Cat - January 20, 2010

Ok… Dawn I know I am selfish as well. I have been single forever. I have become happy with pleasing myself. Not wanting anything from anyone so that I wouldn’t have to return any favors. Although I freely give, most of time, I do it to keep folk from asking for anything. Then, I became offended when new people in my life wanted to do for me. I would feel like I would have to return the favor. Great!!! Im learning to give because it is just the right thing to do. I am now ready to receive gifts/favors from others. Do I deserve it? Hecky ya!!! I have a very positive group of friends. What should I expect? Birds of the same feather right…
I wish I didn’t omit some of those folks that I have offended from my life. Although… Good Luck to the others with malicious intentions.

4. Denene - January 20, 2010

Selflessness is a lifestyle. And on a good day, I’d say I’m giving and am very aware of doing for others. But I try to be intentional at working at being selfless. When I thank God for surrounding me with friends, family and people who love me, I am motivated to be kind to others because I want the people that I love to have thoughtful acts of kindness shown to them. When I find myself getting impatient or snapping off, I remember to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Sometimes I miss the mark, but I keep trying.

5. Darentiz - January 20, 2010

Well, my honest says I’m her dream weaver. I’ve learned self-less-ness. If only my old girlfriend could see me now…lol. Seriously, loving, truly loving another changes you. It makes you a better person. You want to be better person because of the love. In past relationships I cared about my career first, my child second, my friends third and somewhere maybe fourth was my lover. I was surprised when things got rocky..I’d say “if I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t be here”. Now that I look back on it, I can’t imagine why they stayed. In time they did leave and I was dumbfound. I’d make excuses for the failed relationship. It was always their fault, of course, and the cycle would continue in the next relationship. I was selfish to the tenth power. Then one day I was almost really in love. They left and I felt this pain in my chest. I didn’t know what it was. I cried??? I couldn’t imagine..a broken heart?? What?? What ever it was I didn’t like this feeling and I decided then to reevaluate how I was treating others. And that was the beginning…Darentiz (dreamweaver) was born and Alveria (dream killer)died.

6. poetiscian - January 20, 2010

OMG – we are really blogging and thus really sharing, thank all of you so very much.

What I have learned from you guys is that yes, we have at some point have been selfish, however, we are capable of rising to self-less-ness. Doing acts of kindness for those that we love and asking nothing in return. In some of our life”style” choices, we find that we do put our partners last, without really knowing it, just expecting them to keep putting us first.

Kudos to those that have learned how to be the caregiver just because, who have learned to give the precious gifts of their existence without even thinking twice – kudos.

Yes, I’ve cried many nights in the past year for the love that I so easily let slip through my fingers. BUT I am better now than I was then, and so are you!!!!!!

7. Cas - January 20, 2010

I like the quote in today’s reading “But love does nto seek it’s own”. I realize that you cannot make a person love you by continuing to be good to them even when they are not returning it. Love is not fiving to it hurts. I must learn to unselfishly love myself first, Do something nice for ME! In the past I hve continously given with no regards for myself. I thought this was unselfish love. The reading says that love leads to inner joy. If you have no joy and peace there is no love present. I need to love myself first and then I will be equipped to love someone else.

poetiscian - January 20, 2010

Cas, know that even during our most down hour, that God is loving us. Please continue to do act that are not selfish, for the day will come when someone will do them with no regard for anything in return, for you. You are right, love is not giving til it hurts, for love does not know hurt, it only knows joy! Thank you for sharing such an intimate part of your life experiences.

8. California - January 21, 2010

Okay…you’ve sold me the blue sedan with the tan top!!! I would say that at a very young age selfishness was part of the game…but never really one to forget about the needs of others. Perhaps to a fault…in that I mean…taking care of the emotional needs of friends and family…always the cheerleader in the stands for the dreams and aspirations of anothers heart and well being…meanwhile I found myself @ the age of 30 lost as ever…who is Stephanie? What is my purpose? How do you begin to build your own cheerleading stand at such a late age…all in all, I was being selfish to my own dreams…As woman we sometimes fail to see how much we sarcrifice ourselves for many things. For me…it took grounding myself spiritually and truely taking a long hard look in the mirror each day I awoke…this proved to be the most telling moments. To stand there and look yourself in the eye… If you are ready for truth, then you will see ALL that u will need to see about YOU….anywho… it’s time to go test drive this blue sedan Dawn just sold me! Live life well and blog on beautiful people. Oh and for my fellow readers… Hit up Proverbs and if you can find it read, The Wisdom Of James Allen…and As Man Thinketh…James Allen was a gift to the world of literature in the late 1800’s and his wisdom is still a gift today… PEACE

poetiscian - January 21, 2010

Thank you Stephanie. I may have sold you the blue sedan, but you encouraged me to buy the lot! When I say you are truly one of the most beautiful womin in the world I mean it with nothing less than sincerity. Sharing one’s self with one’s self is difficult enough, but within an open forum of this nature – I commend you. Please report back and let us know what you are discovering as you drive.


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